Happy October! I'm still completely baffled by the fact that it's already Autumn and I feel like time is going at a ridiculous pace and I'm struggling to keep up. The dark mornings and evenings are basically here and that's when I start to struggle. It's pretty depressing waking up to darkness and leaving work in darkness, it makes you feel like you have zero time and the only thing you can do is retreat to your bed with a hot chocolate and fluffy socks.
Self Sabotage is something we definitely all struggle with. Why is it we constantly beat ourselves up over any tiny thing we do? If it's being shit in social situations or not putting an outfit together as nicely as that girl on Instagram. It could be that your friend earns more money than you, or the fact you told yourself you'd be healthy so you spend a ridiculous amount of money on 'chia seeds' and 'maca powder' however you still seem to be having nutella on toast for breakfast. You get the picture.
Everyone has their own struggles, and everyone is fighting their own demons. But why is it we don't allow ourselves to feel amazing about ourselves, or having just as many things you love about yourself as you hate about yourself. I think we all need a little slap in the face when it comes to self sabotage. You can get so consumed and it becomes the only thing you believe. Our minds know exactly how to bring us down and exactly how to destroy our confidence. It's like when I look in the mirror and feel good, but then I focus on that tiny spot on my chin and convince myself that is what everyone will be looking at, but in reality most people are too consumed in themselves to notice the small things in other people.
You can force yourself into a negative routine. Getting up for work everyday at 6:30am, feeling shit about yourself, trying to make yourself look presentable, and when the weekend rolls round get ridiculously drunk spend too much money, and then feel like crap for the following week .. (not that I'm speaking from experience). I'm not saying that is necessarily a bad thing, because if you're surrounded by good people while doing this, then it's better because you all get through it together. However what I am saying is that, in a way doing that is a form of self sabotage because you know in the long run it will make you feel worse.
Looking after yourself is important, mentally and physically. Whether that be making sure you're in bed before 11pm, or not allowing yourself to go on social media after 9pm. That then leads me onto thinking about digital detoxing. I'm pretty sure looking at my Instagram feed and how amazing other peoples lives are as soon as I go to bed and as soon as I wake up is not healthy. Instagram is great and I spend a huge amount of time on it, but it's so easy to remember that it's just a platform for people to show the best snapshots of their life. It's not reality. In a way, it's another form of self sabotage and it encourages that inner self critic. Scrolling through your feed to see another toned, tanned poreless girl on holiday in Bali when I'm hobbling into the office on a rainy Monday morning doesn't make me feel too fab..
More recently, before bed I've been trying to read for at least half an hour instead of staring at my phone screen. I actually love reading and always talk about trying to make more time for it, and so far it's been really helping. I feel a lot more relaxed and chilled before sleeping. Also, not to sound too much like a dick, I've been attempting to meditate before bed. The app Headspace is amazing, and I've actually felt a difference to my mood. I either do it right before bed, or in the morning and it makes me feel at ease, and I can feel the stress leave my body. Also, it's great for when you're feeling anxious.
I've also decided to unfollow some of the people on my Instagram that make me feel shit about myself. The models, 'instagram girls' and body inspiration pages that are unrealistic for me. Obviously I still follow people that lead incredible lives because it's good to see that and have something you may want to work towards. But realistically, when I'm scrolling through Instagram I want to see delicious food, amazing places around the world that I want to visit, outfits people have put together etc etc.
There's nothing wrong with being selfish (not all the time, though) and looking after yourself. Self sabotage affects everyone at some point I'm pretty sure, and finding ways to deal with it can be hard. But slowly, I feel like I'm starting to make some sort of head way with it.
JUMPSUIT - ZARA
BOOTS - ASOS
BAG - ZARA
JACKET - VINTAGE LEVIS